It is a transitive place, and a transitive time in life. People go. Everyone is preparing, studying, being equipped for their life work. The desire of my heart is increasingly crying out to God to…mold me, pour me out. Allow me to begin what You are calling me to. Yet if my greatest joy would one day be to be a wife and mother, what then can I do Lord, but be shaped by you into who you would have me be?
I am overwhelmed by how far I fall short; how unready I am for anything he would ask me to do. Then I am overwhelmed again by his grace, and how he is working in me, transforming, refining.
All plans and purposes are his – all seasons under the sun, ordered and perfected in ways unimaginable to my mind that is only able to grasp what I hope for. Timing is his, as Donny encouraged me. “He knows the desire of your heart to serve him, even to marry young. He has his own plans – but he also fashioned and formed your heart.” Even a matter such as that.
I am forever encouraged by the times when God has used my disappointed hopes in any issue, be it broken friendships, ambitions, or my heart, to reveal himself to me in incredible ways and to increase my joy. I am challenged by those times when later I face other struggles and am tempted to despair or distrust his purpose, and his timing. The mistakes I would have made if he wasn’t in control! It is hideous to think about – I am thankful for a God who says no to some of our most cherished dreams, using them for his glory. I am thankful for a God who brings us joy in giving him the deepest, most painful and precious things that we hold on to.
Who also fulfills his promises and knows our hearts.
According to your pleasure and your glory. Use me.
